Stupid things that happen to me

Yesterday I was taking my plate of Thanksgiving leftovers out of the microwave and I dropped it on the kitchen counter at work. My plate (I think porcelain) shattered into two large pieces and about 70 tiny pieces. I then scraped up the food off of the counter and the plastic wrap that had been covering the plate, tried to remove all the little pieces of plate, and ate the food... I know, disgusting, but I was sooo hungry, and I wasn't about to throw this lunch out and go spend money on another! For the next few hours I was paranoid about tiny pieces of plate cutting open my insides and causing me to bleed to death (especially since I definitely felt a few crunches while chewing). This fear was worsened when I experienced stabbing pains somewhere in the region of my intestines. However, I think I'm safe, because I am having the exact same stabbing pains today, a day when I have not ingested any pieces of plate. Then again, I suppose this could be the plate getting to me. If I don't return, check my friends' blogs for reports of bleeding to death.

Today I locked my car keys in my car AGAIN. Yes, this is the second time in the past... umm... it has to be less than 2 months. I think last time was in October. Last time was totally my fault because I drove home, put my keys in my purse on the passenger seat, locked the door, ran inside to get something, then realized I had locked the door with the keys inside. OK, so sometimes I'm an idiot. But this morning was SO not my fault. I unlocked the car using the handy clicker mechanism, then opened both doors on the driver's side. While I was putting my stuff (lunch, knitting supplies) on the back seat, the front door closed itself. Only after I extricated myself from the back seat and that door had also closed did I realize I had set my keys on the back seat, and the car had automatically locked itself. WTF? I understand auto-locking if I don't open the doors after a certain period of time. But if I open the doors and don't turn on the car, I'm clearly still inside the car! What are you doing, Galant?! So I had to call AAA, and then I drove my mom's car (a car so terrible I will name it the Death Trap- though it was very expensive) to work. Thankfully I still had my purse, containing wallet, cell phone, and key card for work. But I did have to ask someone to let me into my locked office, since my office key was in my car. I found out from my mom that AAA took 2 full hours to arrive at my house to unlock the car, so it's a good thing I did not wait.