Trying

Today I feel like crap.


In addition to waking up utterly exhausted from lack of sleep, my body continues to rebel against my birth control pill. No, I didn't actually switch types, but when I switched to the mail order pharmacy they gave me a new brand (pretty much like switching from Target brand ibuprofen to Wal-Mart brand- they are both generic and supposed to be the same medicine). My gynecologist said even this small change can cause problems so I am waiting another month to go in. I am lightheaded, have cramps and hot flashes, have had approximately 3 sort-of-periods this month, and have a strange gnawing feeling in my abdomen that makes me simultaneously nauseated and ravenously hungry no matter how much I eat. I certainly feel for pregnant women and post-menopausal women today. (I also hope that by the time I get old, modern medicine will have some better menopause treatments!)

I am also dealing with incredibly frustrating issues that threaten mental and emotional breakdown at any moment. (I think this anxiety is one cause of my stomach weirdness.)

But it's ok because I am trying to look at everything as an opportunity in disguise. I have begun to imagine new possibilities and dream about my future with feelings of hope. It's kind of like how I felt before I graduated from college. I will try to make use of this optimism before it fades and find something that might make me happy.

As much as I hate-hate-hate to say this, maybe it's time to be a grown-up.